I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
