It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
