batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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