Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
