You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
