If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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