Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
