I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
