My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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