the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
