The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
