they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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