i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
