apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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