You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
