Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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