no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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