My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
