Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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