All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
