i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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