I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
