You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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