I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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