; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
