This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
