hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
