Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
