Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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