As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
