I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
