he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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