I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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