just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
