what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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