I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
