So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
