butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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