he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
