Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
