god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
