If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize