I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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