I puked a lego.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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