Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
