cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
