My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
