ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
