I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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