I want to walk on stilts...naked
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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