this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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