Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
