I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and she was petting her beer can
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
