It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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