Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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