I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
