I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
