I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
