I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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