she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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