my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
