VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I smell like Dick and happiness
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
