Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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