is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
