It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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