my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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