...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
