Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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