His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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