What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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