I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
