just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
