Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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