even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
