Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come share oat with me in your robe
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
