Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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