k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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