I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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