My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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