You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
