I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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